Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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