His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
