I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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