maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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