Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
