apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I did not marry a roomba.
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