great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot