I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's