i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.