So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
