No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
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is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
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Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex