I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.