I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.