I hate your face
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
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An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
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i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.