$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.