She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He shit in the fireplace
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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