the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
