i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
