i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
