Your tits are I can't wait for
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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