I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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