are you so shy because you have an std?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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