So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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