thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
