How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
