entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
