Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
