id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
