my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
