U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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