Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
