Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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