Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
