After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
