Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
