Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
