i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
there was a trapeze. enough said
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
