Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I am one with the molecules
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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