I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
