why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
