went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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