Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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