Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sext me about skeletons
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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