Three words: puerto rican gang bang
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
