Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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