My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
