HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
