i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
