she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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