how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
