worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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