so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
