Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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