I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
