I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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