Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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