He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
