Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
