Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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