But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
