What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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