man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
