I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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