i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
