Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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