Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
