i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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