What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
