these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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