I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
