I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
