I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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