Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
They are going to name an STD after you.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
