So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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