Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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