frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
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my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
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If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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