i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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