do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The uberlube is also flammable
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
