i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
