did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
