I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
