I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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