I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
