Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
