I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
