My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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