Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
