I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
