toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
