woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm at about main and main street
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
