Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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