Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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